I’m baaaaaaaaaaaack. (Well, for now.)

I did not take this picture. I found it on the internet. I could never take a picture of this pizza because the second it hits the table, I turn into some sort of pizza-deprived monster in a very serious engorge-self mode.
I did not take this picture. I found it on the internet. I could never take a picture of this pizza because the second it hits the table, I turn into some sort of pizza-deprived monster in a very serious engorge-self mode.

I sat across the table from my best friend, about to devour inarguably the best deep dish pizza in Chicago (Pequods, FIGHT ME IF YOU DISAGREE) when she looked up at me and asked me if my food blog was dead. I winced a little, thinking back to the glory days, when I cooked then publicly documented my experiences, hoping that friends, family and the occasional stranger would enjoy my poor attempts at fine cuisine.

Sigh, the glory days.

Though she’s definitely not the first person to ask me this question (Hi Nikki, like every single time we’re in contact with each other), she WILL be the last. I’m back. I’m older. I’m more mature and I’m mothaducking cooking. Try to shut me up about it. JUST TRY! Oh god, I’m already yelling.

I had a conversation with a coworker recently about trendelicious fad foods. I just made up the term “trendelicious” and I hate it so much.

Kale, sweet potatoes, brussels sprouts, chia seeds, pomegranate, cauliflower. I mean, there’s a reason they’re shining in the spotlight; they’re trendelicious and trendutritious. I hate everything. (I’m also writing this part at 2:30am, and I’m definitely using that minor detail as a cheap write-off.)

My cousin told me at Thanksgiving between bites of cauliflower that it’s the most potent vegetable nutrient-wise. I believe her because a. she’s super healthy/smart, and b. I trust her. Also let’s be honest, I’m way too lazy to actually look up and confirm whether she’s correct or not.

As quite a few of my other posts have expressed, I have a thing for cilantro, beans and BBQ sauce, like a real life, living, breathing, gun-wielding, spur and assless chaps lovin’ Texan. I’m not. I don’t want to be either (except for lovin’ assless chaps) but dang, is Tex Mex on point 97% of the time or hwhat?

I bet you’ll never guess where I found this recipe. It wasn’t not Pinterest. Click this sentence as it’s the link to the original post. The picture sold me. I drooled the second I laid my eyes on the avocado… and the cauliflower.. and the red onions.. okay, all of it.

For those who didn’t click the link and skipped seeing the glorious picture of the salad, here’s the instructions per that smart, creative recipe makers page:

INGREDIENTS

  • ½ head cauliflower, cut into florets
  • ½ c. BBQ sauce
  • ½ c. black beans
  • 1 avocado, sliced
  • 1 ear of corn, cooked and sliced
  • ¼ of a red onion, diced
  • shredded carrots
  • 3 c. lettuce
  • Cashew-based Ranch Dressing
  • crushed tortilla chips

INSTRUCTIONS

  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a cookie sheet with foil.
  2. Place cauliflower florets on the sheet and bake 5-7 minutes.
  3. Brush the BBQ sauce onto the cauliflower. Bake another 2-3 minutes.
  4. Assemble all of the ingredients together for the salad.

Couple things about this recipe:

  1. This recipe is technically vegan. I love steak and cheeseburgers until the day I die. I used dairy-based ranch dressing because I’m a rebel without a cause.
  2. You think I purchased, shucked, cooked and sliced a single ear of corn for this? Think again. I bought a can of corn and drained it. Let me tell you, the draining part was almost as much work as what I would have had to do… almost. I also bought pre-shredded lettuce and canned black beans.
  3. I did not brush the BBQ sauce on the cauliflower. You think I’m that fancy? Think again. I squeezed it on there, then used my hand to spread it evenly. I first tried doing it with a paper towel. I will tell you now, that doesn’t work so don’t try.
  4. Honestly, the portions here are guidelines. I didn’t measure shit. This recipe claims it yields 2 salads. You could easily make many more salads than just 2 with this recipe. There are a lot of left over/extra ingredients. Am I really gonna leave 3/4 of a red onion to hang out for later? No! I’m obviously going to make more salad to accommodate it.
  5. You will end up falling in love with roasted BBQ cauliflower, so mentally prepare for that in whatever way you need to.
  6. Cilantro and this salad were made for each other so I played matchmaker and put them together.

Here’s a picture of my incredibly good looking final product. So, so colorful. So, so trendelicious. (I still hate myself over this but I can’t stop.)

IMG_8756
The lighting in my kitchen sucks. This salad doesn’t though. Also, sup Instagram filters?

My mouth is watering looking at this picture again. I shall end this post. I shall end it now.

 

 

BUT NOT WITHOUT SOME POOP.

This salad is going to make your poop colorful. Not to mention, it’s fibrous with those beans and whatnot. Be prepared. But if you’re not prepared, these poop horror stories (click here) will make you feel a lot better… or worse. I truly can’t decide which.

 

 

 

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One thought on “I’m baaaaaaaaaaaack. (Well, for now.)

  1. Hi Christine, Thanks for resuming your blog. You inspire me. BTW Does anyone actually make any of your recipes? Just wondering. Aunt Georgie

    Sent from my iPad

    >

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